El Brasero-SE 12th and Hawthorne

She:  

Taco. Time. I have been to El Brasero many o'times prior to Taco Walk-O, but this is the first time that I have been there to judge. (Aside from judging the slew of drunkens in the wee hours). With these new eyes full of judgement I sat out to try the tacos they had to offer. My Brazilian hetero-life mate was my date as well as the Greek giant. The tacos are $1.50 each which is not too shabby of a deal. They did have mexican coke and that always brings a smile to my face. Though, the coke is in a plastic cooler sitting out, it's a good thing that the weather is still cold otherwise I'd have a warm one and that's just not right. We sat down at the adjacent picnic tables under the white canopy and although the truck itself is designed and painted the seating area just feels stale with fluorescent lighting, which does no justice for anyone. I understand that we live in Portland, but do not tease us with your heat lamps if they are not in working order! The wait was not long (though it was rather early in the night) and I received my tacos and sat back down. They had all the right ingredients: cilantro, chicken and onion,  and in addition, limes! But as I took a bite, there just seemed something was missing. The taco was bland and the cilantro was a little wilted. I added green sauce, but the sauce didn't do much to kick up the taste. I was disappointed, because I've had so many trips here. Unfortunately for El Brasero they fall into position #2 as Los Gorditos keeps the #1 position. Oh, and they can keep their radishes to themselves.

I will give them 3 out of 5. They ARE open until 3am drunkies.

He:

Something about the name of this place piqued my interest. El Brasero. Brasero. The Brasero. Hmmmm. Very intriguing. Of course I had to get home and googlize this fucker. Guess what, taco wackos?! It is translated to BRAZIER!!! I was feasting on wittle bitty tacos at a place called The fucking BRAZIER! Yeeeeeehaw! I knew there was a reason to eat tacos under cover of night! I've steered away from the Old Usual and I know what you're saying...who fucking cares? Well, I do. The fact that I can step away from tradition once and a while and adventure into a New Usual is what makes me half of the best taco bloggers on the fucking planet. What the shit was my point? Oh. I got 2 al pastor instead of carne asada. That's the New Usual. Ogle the photo above my words. LIIIIIIIIIIIMES, you gringo sons-a-bitches!!! A good start. I HAD to go for the Mexi-cokes in the iceless cooler, because these fellers at the Los Tittyholder can't seem to stock any pineapple Jarritos. It's ok. I can deal with Mexi-coke. It's got caine, er uh, cane sugar. For real. It's the Real Thing. The pollo was chunked as opposed to shredded and the senorita and I agree that shredding may lead to a faster dry/moist ratio. "Just add a lil LIME", I say to myself. Nah. Didn't help. The al pastor was good though! A couple crunchy bits added to the texture and the green salsa was pretty dern zippy. I did have a couple grease pools gathering on my plate though. Not exactly sure if I consider this a pro or a con at this point. 

  On taste alone, the Mammary Mitten is pretty on point. However, the lack of pineapple Jarritos coupled with the fact that it is late March and not the best time for al fresca dining tripled with the fact that the cilantro looked to be over a week old and I STILL haven't had a BM? Ummmmm.

2.42 Shit Stars out of a possible 5 Shit Stars. For poor timing(cooooooold out!), lack of beverage of choice, and musty radishes. And finding out from Brazilian Chamillionaire that speed dating costs $50 in some cases. Are you FUCKING kidding me?!

Los Gorditos-SE 12th and Division

She: 
Joined by a taco fiend and a Brazilian delight, Andreas and I set out for another taco adventure. Los Gorditos looks just like any other taco possibility. It doesn't have the eclectic deco as you would assume a traditional mexican food place would have, but it looks just like a run of the mill restaurant that could serve just about anything. This cash only place is right off of Division with tricky parking spots right off the main road. At 6:30pm the line wasn't too bad and it's walk up and order. Right away I noticed they do not serve Mexican coke, but instead have regular coke from the can. Minus a point. The sauces are self serve and they have many to choose from. We sat down at a table for four (the only table for four) with our numbers and waited roughly 10 mins for our tacos. I ordered 3 chicken tacos at $2.00 a piece. The first bite I must say was pretty tasty. It immediately jumped to #1 out of the previous places we have visited. Their salsa verde was quite delicious and I enjoyed pouring it slowly onto my taco. The chicken was a tad dry although the taco was juicing all over my plate. I would have liked to squeeze a fresh lime onto my C.T.'s for a little extra zing, but bummerville they did not provide any. At least they had cilantro! All in all it wasn't half bad. Los Gorditos can ring my ditos any day.


I say 4 out of 5. Still looking for that perfect taco.

He:
First of all, I want to thank KRYSTAL for mentioning me by name. Muchas fucking grassy-ass, my little lolita. Okay taco nerds, we've brought you near constant disappointment for the past three weeks. Well, I loaded the dice this time. I love Los Gorditos. My first experience with them was at their cart at 50th & Division the year I moved here. I was in heaven immediately. Utter bewilderment. Holy frijoles this place was awesmoe! But I wasn't judging then. And I am now. I had confidencey de la supremo about my beloved so naturally I pounded a few cerveza beers prior to meeting with my ever-growing tacafficianados. It seems that our little mission has attracted a following and far be it from my sassy little friend and I to keep them from enjoying or abhorring what this fine city has to offer in terms of these lil fuckers. At this juncture we were joined by our Picante Brazilian ladyfriend and a gentleman of such esteem, I was almost ashamed that I was this fucked up. But fuck it. It's tacos, ese! 
I went for alpastor and pollo(our litmus test, if'n ya haven't caught on), dos a-piece. And a pineapple Jarritos, of course. My wee senorita was right about the pollo. It was a drier, shredded offering. But the alpastor is frickin awesmoe here! Best yet! In fairness, we had to try or tacos nekkid. I'm cool with that. Fair and balanced after all. Buuuuuuuuut, they have this saaaaaaaauce! Oh kiddies, you are going to love the neon orange jalapeno/garlic sauce! They have a deceiving milky colored habanero sauce as well as your verde and smokey chipotle bits and bobs. Good stuff. Anyway, for the most part this was the most epic culinary experience we've had thus far, but rest assured, we are but babes in a land of taco gigantes. Side note-the sauce will give you the shits from hell. Alas, everybody poops.


I give Los Gorditos 1.48 Shit Stars out of a possible 5 Shit Stars for the dry shicken and wicked burny poops. My body was probably pissed cuz I didn't get my actual the Usual. The Burrito Immortalis-the Stacy. Try it NOW! ZERO SHIT STARS! Ummmmm...ok....back to tacos..

El Dorado- NE Glisan and 80th

She:
Taco Tuesday at El Dorado, promising I thought. This sit down restaurant had a wonderful ambiance of the outside, inside. With it's pueblo style house/roofing on the inside of the restaurant was cutesy. Though nice, that is not what is being judged in the case of Taco Walk-O. I ordered 3 chicken tacos at 99 cents as well as a soda. During the wait, we were treated free chips and salsa as this was a sit down restaurant. The chips were warm which we presumed were fresh and the salsa was rather tasty. When the waitress put down my plate of tacos I stared with dismay. They were covered in lettuce and tomatoes. I thought well damn, I wanted cilantro and onion, but all to hell let's do this. The first bite I took I was less than impressed. The second bite I took I was less impressed... it was very bland chicken and very little flavoring. Instead of taco tortillas it tasted as though they used gordita tortillas, which those of you who know the difference, there is one. I only finished 2 out of 3 and could not get myself to eat the last one. It tasted like nothing and there was no sauce or lime to add flavor. When we received our bill it had stated the tacos were $2.00 each. When asked the waitress why we didn't get the .99 tacos she replied that we got the side tacos not the .99 tacos. They were different. When the sign stated. "Taco Tuesday. 99 cent tacos" No where did it specify which tacos. She told us only the ground beef tacos were 99 cents, we got the side tacos. Oh okay, well you could of stated that fact when we ordered. In any case, because of the horrible lack of communication of Taco Tuesday as well as the poor flavoring of tacos, El Dorado is El Dor"nado".

This place receives -1 out of 5 stars. Crap!


I have to say that the lady is spot on with every fucking observation. When I was sent in the direction of this establishment, I was told that it was one of the only Mexican restaurants that had a Taco Tuesday...Welp, if you like the shittiest type of taco imaginable this is your spot! I went for the Usual this time and to add to the fact that the 99 cent tacos were ground beef only, I got fucking upcharged 3 bucks just for carne asada! This beef looked like rabbit shit. Utterly bland rabbit shit at that! Our ethnic friend was none too pleased either. In all fairness, we put forth this mission to find the best taco in town. By hook or by crook, we WILL walk-o into the correct microcosm of tacoey goodness sooner or later. The prices at El Dorado were outrageous for the outcome. Buuuuuut, I had a Squirt. It's still no substitute for FRESH FUCKING LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMES!




4.1 shit stars out of a possible 5...

Por Que No?-SE Hawthorne

She:
I have visited Por Que No? previously, but never in judgement. But Taco Walk-O is opening my eyes to the judgement of every taco place in town. With the new peepers and taste for tacos, I ordered 3 chicken tacos ($1.50 ea) with a side of chips and salsa. They handed us a number and we chose a spot to sit. The sauces and water are in one area, full and self service. The atmosphere is a fun one, with art covering the walls, as well as interesting hippy-like patrons. The line after we sat grew tremendously. We received our tacos with little wait after we ate the basket of freshly made chips and salsa. I ate them willingly and enjoyed them, but don't feel like they were the best. I almost feel as though I was a little let down with the amount of people that praise this place. How can so many people be wrong? Well...they were. I would say Por Que No? is more or less a no. 


I rate it a 2 out of 5. 


He:
Like the senorita, I have also visited this spot sans judgement due to it's proximity to one of my favorite record stores. However, on this day, Taco Walk-O was in full effect after the previous week's abysmal outcome. I ordered 2 pollo and 2 chorizo(starting to think outside the casa a tad) and popped a squat. The ambience at Por Que No? is what you would expect from a taqueria on one of Portland's more archetypical drags. More artsy, less fartsy. It was really nice though and we had quite a view! The chips and salsa were good, but I got the short end of the stick, cuz a lot of my chips still were kinda doughy. Shiiiiiiiit Star numero uno! Then the tacos came. The pollo concoctions were decent compared to last week's, but still didn't straighten me out. I loved the look of the chorizo offerings, all covered in glorious cilantro/mexican queso, but the chorizo itself was a little on the underdone side. Overall, this would be a fine place for a group of friends or a 3rd date, but only if you plan on getting fuckin shitplowed directly afterwards. In addition, when you have to bus your own table and they have a bajillion bins to separate everything, it's barely worth the price of admission....Shiiiiiiit Star numero dos! But we had better convo here, so I'm subtracting half of one. Oh, I had a pineapple Jarrito. And a cute girl complimented my shirt. See?! It's hard to win my favor. You gotta fucking work for it!


1.5 shit stars out of a possible 5.

La Catrina- N Lombard and Albina

She:
When you walk into a place that looks skeeze on the outside, you can only think...there is a chance this place is gonna have some fine ass tacos. In the case of La Catrina, we were poorly mistaken. We walked in and to our dismay there was a refrigerator almost depleted of drinks facing us and next to no decoration for dining. But, we took the chance anyhow.  Walked up to the order window and ordered 4 chicken tacos. The man behind the wall with broken english told me there was no pico de gallo. I said that was fine and paid the man $1.25 per taco by debit and walked around the corner to get all my sauces ready for the feast. Once again almost out of yet another item, there was just little mild sauce to be had and no limes! Scraped for one container of sauce and sat down to await the tacos. When they called me up to get them, turns out they were also out of cilantro and had substituted lettuce. Still I took them and sat down. Already to a bad start, I picked up a taco and the grease poured off the side. The tortillas were drenched with oil. I ate 3 because of my hunger, and left the last one to die a slow death in the trash. Perhaps a crow might eat it in a landfill, but no human should consume such waste...a waste of money is what La Catrina Catrasha is to anyone who loves tacos. 




I give it a -1 out of 5.


He:
Jumpin Juan de Valdez! Was this place recently gutted and converted to a half-assed taco joint overnight?! The fact they had ONE pineapple Jarrito in the dilapidated cooling unit(I won't call it a fridge) was the ONLY saving grace to this rush job. I ordered 2 pollo and 2 carne asada aka The Usual. When I saw my comrade's minimal salsa, my heart sank. When I saw limp, greasy lettuce atop our ethnic friend's tacos, my blood boiled. And when that feller brought MY tacos out with a plethora of LEMON wedge. Done fucking deal! No cilantro?! No pico de gallo?! Freddie's is right up the fucking road! I'LL go buy the goddamn cilantro. The lady and I both agree. Horrifying...but at least I had a pineapple Jarrito. 


Whilst this was the genesis to our little quest, it get's 5 out of 5 shit stars. You don't want any shit stars for those keeping score.